all that's left are these ashes.

i have been way to busy with school and college junk to blog about anything meaningful but, lately i've just been thinking a lot about my past, and there are certain things and people i miss. i miss how happy i was and how carefree i seemed to be about things. don't get me wrong i am happier than i've been in a long time, but i just don't seem to have that "carefree" mentality about me anymore, with college, graduation, and all my classes i'm stressing big time. i'm so ready to get out and be on my own and do what i want, but i just don't know how i'm going to leave my family just like that, i mean they are my rock and they have always been there for me through thick and thin. when i felt like everything was falling apart, guess who was there my family mostly my sister, she means the world to me i know sometimes i wanna punch her in the face and just push her down some stairs or something, but she has ALWAYS been there for me even though some people may not like her well fuck you too, you probably don't mean anything to her or me anyways, like my daddy says "i wasn't put on this earth to be liked" i've been living by that lately and i think that has made me a happier person. speaking of my dad, i think i am going to miss him most he is my hero, he has over come so much in his life he has got to be the strongest person i know and i look up to him so much for that, he is an amazing man, i love you daddy. now on to kelli carter, that girl is like my sister, my rock, my bestfriend, we have been bestfriends for, four years now we have been thorough so much together it would take me forever to tell you everything. she has been there for me when i needed her and i couldn't go to anyone else, she will always be my bestfriend no matter how far apart we are. 

i feel like i need to get out on my own and be independent and just live i think my parents have raised a strong girl who is ready to be out on her own, they will never know how much they mean to me, and i know i can be the biggest bitty in the world sometimes but hey i learned it from them, ;) but ya know i think i'm ready for this whole "college" experience i'm ready for the real world whether i want to or not i'm growing up and i've got to be a big girl and take everything that my parents have taught me and use that to my advantage. so from this moment i'm going to take on situations and handle them like my parents taught me how. 

i don't know why i had to lose you.